Life Lately

For the last few months, I have not really been blogging for a number of reasons which in itself may seem mutually exclusive of itself.

I have simply not had the time. Work has been exceptionally busy and for some reason, come August, the workload just seems to increase and I have no time for myself until the holidays in December.

I have also been working on my little business and filling my time with websites, logos, company registrations and all those wonderful little things. Every time I want to sit down and start typing a blog post, I think of all the productive things that I can be doing with my time; like work, building my little business, spending time with my family and friends and the one thing that I cannot ever seem to do- SLEEP. I either feel guilty for then wanting to blog or even read a blog or just decide that I don’t have the energy to string any words together that may make any sense at all.

I have also been trying to spend more time offline. I must be honest and say that I have really been enjoying this. The more time I spend offline, the less time I want to spend online. I simply don’t feel the need to record everything that may or may not be going on in my life anymore.

On the other hand, I will honestly say that I do miss interacting with everybody and reading your blogs and what is going on in your lives. I miss being able to give encouragement and in returns receiving encouragement on a particularly bad day. Blogging also helps to clear my mind and helps to relax me.

I have also spent the last two months deciding whether I still want to blog in light of the fact that I have not being blogging for a while. I am debating whether to make my blog private so that it there to return to when I feel like blogging again or whether I should delete it entirely. I can’t seem to make up my mind because deep down I don’t think that I want to get rid of this little blog.

The last few months have had its fair share of ups and downs for me. I have to go and see a specialist about a recurring infection which he is concerned about, especially after the possible, common, causes have been eliminated.

My mother’s RAF trial is to proceed in October and after watching Carte Blanche’s expose on the RAF (the video link is no longer available- sorry), I am not feeling very hopeful. As time passes, the brain damage really becomes more apparent.

My one brother has been retrenched after 10 years with his company. He was the main source of income. It was already difficult for me to support two households and the giant stress ball that I usually am is even more wound up and stressed. I am holding thumbs that he will find work soon but being a white, male in South Africa, work is scarce. And this economy is not doing anyone any favours.

I am excited about my little business venture but also so stressed. I am a perfectionist and also worry about not being good enough. I worry whether I am making a good decision. I keep asking myself what if it flops. Every time that thought enters my head, I repeat this little saying:

Image from http://oldnavyprintablecoupons.biz/tag/what-if-i-fall-oh-but-my-darling-what-if-you-fly-by-cardsandcanvas-
Image from http://oldnavyprintablecoupons.biz/tag/what-if-i-fall-oh-but-my-darling-what-if-you-fly-by-cardsandcanvas-

There is no success unless you take the risk first. And then I tell myself that Thomas Edison failed 1000 times before he created the lightbulb. Okay- I really hope that I don’t fail that many times. On the side note, I am not leaving my day job- I do love what I do – on most days. I just want to try make some extra income so that I can stop stressing about my family and well , hopefully create a job or two.

Other than that, I am celebrating the little things in life and how blessed I am. There are new and exciting times ahead and I am really looking forward to it.

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Things I love about Winter

Winter is coming and I HATE winter. Yes, I know what the heading of this post is. I may have been born in winter but for all intents and purposes I am a summer baby.

I love summer and everything that goes with it – swimming, ice- cream, the outdoors. Everything just feels fresh and fun.

Winter, on the other hand, is cold and dreary and I HATE getting cold. I hate having to wear three pairs of socks just to keep my feet warm because if my feet and hands are cold, my whole body is cold.

I honestly would not survive a winter in the Cape – being cold is one thing – but wet and cold, does not work for me!

That being said there are most definitely some things that I do enjoy about winter and I thought that this year I would be a bit more positive about winter. Here are a few things that I love about winter:

  1. I love jackets and winter is the perfect opportunity for me to add a few more jackets to my collection.
  2. Scarves- I have about 35 different types of scarves already (no kidding).
  3. Boots – I love boots!
  4. Soups, hearty stew and casseroles – these are some of my favourite dishes but it is simply too hot to enjoy in summer.
  5. OBS- Old Brown Sherry (need I say more?)
  6. The nights are so much longer and it always feels like I get more sleep in winter. It also feels like I sleep better in winter, all bundled under the blankets.

As you can see this is a very short list – did I mention that I HATE winter?

 

Life and other things

Between the load shedding of Eskom and almost no internet connection from Telkom, I am not sure how people manage to work, let alone blog.

For the last week (and generally the last week of every month), Telkom must have the “end of the month blues” because I simply cannot get an internet connection. Some pages will load fast while others (more especially the blogs I follow) simply don’t want to load at all. My comments fail and even my “Blog Post of the Week” did not want to post. It feels like forever since I have connected with you all – I miss reading your blogs and daily adventures- which is a welcome break to the chaos that is usually my day. Luckily for me, Easter weekend is coming up and I hope to catch up then.

I cannot believe that March is over – the first quarter of the year gone. I have been so very busy at work. I have two possible new business ventures coming up which I am quite excited about so I am going to be even more busy.

The last few weekends have also been busy with friends and family and the next few weekends include house-warmings and birthday parties. I am trying to work as hard as possible in the week so that my weekends are free to just relax and have fun.

J-L broke her leg on Friday evening. The first thing that she said to me when I phoned her was “my brother broke my leg.”

It was an accident- they were playing and D would never hurt her – she is his life. I have seen how he spends his birthday and other money on her first, how he looks after her. Needless to say D feels bad about the accident and J-L is quite the drama queen.

I sent a message to Yolandi’s mom to see how J-L and D were doing. I got the following response: “… She just doesn’t want to walk with crutches, but she is coming right with them. She’s enjoying the fact that she sits on the couch and orders everyone around. If we don’t do what she wants, she cries and says her leg is really paining and will only come right if we do what she wants…” J-L just knows just how to wrap them around her finger and get her own way. I can only imagine the fights her and Yolandi would have had. Like mother, like daughter.

I hope that you all have a wonderful Easter and if you are going away, safe travels.

*Now to see how long this post takes to upload*

 

Not my idea of an emergency

I have a smartphone (as do most people now a days). It has all these wonderful gadgets and features designed to make our lives easier.

One of these is phone security. I can (and do) have a password on my phone because a smart phone enables me to keep a lot of my personal information (and for most people –  their lives) on it. There is some information, like bank details etc. that I do not keep on my phone because well, let’s be honest, the phone security is not always so secure.

Another feature my phone has is “emergency contacts”. It enables me to put a few people in my emergency contacts so that if there ever is an emergency, I don’t first have to put in my password, and then go into contacts and then find the number that I am looking for, which is not always possible in an emergency. It also enables smses to be sent, sends out a GPS signal where I am and can take photos (as far as I understand- these photos are also sent to the emergency contacts to assist them in finding me).

Ok, so that is how the feature is supposed to work.

I have a few people in my emergency contacts, one of them being my boss. This is for practical purposes. I stay closer to work than to my family and my life is in the area where I work so should anyone ever need to reach me fast, my boss would be able to. He is also practical and to be honest, if my mother ever got an emergency call, she would fly into a flat panic and that is also never helpful. Should something happen to me and I am no longer of this earth – yes I mean dead – then I would rather have my boss tell my mother. My boss is like a father to me.

The problem I am having with my phone is that it is very sensitive so if I just touch the screen by accident, it goes to my emergency contacts. Despite the fact that I have a number of people in my emergency contact list, my phone seems to like calling my boss.

Like this morning again at 4h40, when I am leaving for work because I can’t sleep, bag and laptop bag, keys and cell-phone, in hand and I somehow phone my boss awake in my emergency contact list.

Needless to say, phoning my boss awake because I can’t sleep is not my idea of an emergency!

I have now switched off the safety assistance feature.

 

Gatvol …

… which means “fed-up” for my non- South African followers; is how I feel today.

I am tired and grumpy and I just feel under appreciated. I have demands being thrown at me from all directions. If it was just from work- that would be great because I get paid to deal with other people’s demands and problems.

I am tired of being made to feel bad when I cannot give in to the demands being made.

In addition to this, my one brother lost his job- a simple “we don’t need you anymore.” He does not want to take them to the CCMA as that may cause problems for my cousin who also worked with him.

This has put me under some financial strain as I have been helping my family financially as it is. But take away a salary- no matter how small- and there is a shortfall that has to be covered somehow. Cue Me.

I love my family and I don’t mind helping and I am not complaining about helping and I know that they appreciate it but I am just so tired of all the stress and constant worry.

Thankfully my brother has found a new job so hopefully by the end of March things will start looking up for them.

My laptop is making a very funny noise- which means one thing- it is on its way out. My laptop is my LIFE! So just another problem on my list of problems to deal with.

One of my secretaries is ill which means that she is not coming in today. TODAY of all days when I actually need her to be at the office. I know a person’s health comes first so I will have to put on my big girl panties and deal with whatever needs to get done today.

My furkid had another epileptic fit yesterday. They are now becoming more frequent so he will have to go onto medication.

Add to this the fact that my sinuses are killing me. Stress or sinus will still be the death of me.

These are just some of the things – so yes, I am tired, I am grumpy and just plain gatvol.

Urgh Traffic

How I feel every day (click on image for link)
How I feel every day (click on image for link)

I absolutely hate traffic. To be honest I do not know of anyone that actually likes traffic.

I stay 11km from my work and what used to be a 10-15 minute drive in the mornings over the last 3 years has suddenly turned into an hour drive this year. The only possible reason that I can think of as to why the traffic has become so bad is that there have been a number of new developments in my immediate and surrounding areas. There is also only one main road and you would think that when planning these developments, the developers and council would take the roads into account.

It can take me anything from 30 minutes to an hour and a half to get home in the afternoons. When there is load shedding it can take between 2 to 3 hours to get home. It is also not possible to determine the best times to leave in the afternoons to miss traffic as the traffic varies from day to day.

I was planning to either rent or sell my house in about 2 years time and move closer to work but I honestly cannot think that I can wait that long. I leave early enough as it is in the morning so leaving earlier does not really seem like an option.

To think of the time wasted in traffic.

 

On January and Being MIA

I cannot believe that it is February already but boy am I glad that January is over.

January has been the longest month. I have been on the go since I walked into work on the 5 January and it just has not stopped. I am however grateful for the work so no complaining on that front.

For the first time in years, I have suffered the dreaded January syndrome – the one in which you overspend in December and count the days to pay day from 1 January already. I am usually very good at budgeting and never overspend so I am not quite certain what happened in December. I had a few unexpected expenses and I have also spoiled myself a bit.

Click on image for link
Click on image for link

Other than A starting school, my one furkid having an epileptic fit and the other one having to be rushed to the vet because she ate something she was not supposed and had a life -threatening infection, January was uneventful. Or should I say I was just too busy at work to have a life.

Work is good and I believe that great things are going to happen this year. I am also working towards a few things that will be great for me if it works out.

I have also not really posted anything on my blog this last month; not because I don’t have anything to say. I have so many things going on at the moment and so much to say but I just don’t have the inclination to actually sit and type it and when I do, I also don’t really know where to start. I also had so many ideas for posts that I just did not get around to. I could also blame it on being really busy so if I choose between posting on my blog and sleep, I am afraid that sleep wins every time.  I also have not really had that bloggy feeling.

I have also not been keeping up to date with my favourite blogs and try to catch up here and there. I also see that a few of my favourite blogs are not popping up in my inbox and when they do, they seem to say the same thing; “they don’t really have that bloggy feeling at the moment.” I am going to make an effort this month to catch up with you  and your blogs.

On the subject of sleep, I am not getting much sleep at the moment. My recurring dream is back after not having it for a few months and after I finally thought that I was over it. It seems to be back with a vengeance and I seem to be having it more often. I have had it about 4 times this year and it’s only February now. I am beginning to think that I must try and find someone who can tell me what it means. When I am not having this dream, I am dreaming other things all the time and it feels like I never rest. I would pay anything for an invention that can record my dreams.

dreaming-dog-1

I have some big plans for my home this year and some renovations. Within the next 2 years I plan to sell this house and buy a bigger house (more on that at a later stage).

This being the year of me, I have also decided to do something for myself every month; whether it is buying myself something I want  (read: shopping, shopping and more shopping) or just going for a massage and even a weekend away.

I am going to put it out into the Universe that this is going to be a great year: My Year.

 

2015 – The Year of Me

I have decided to make 2015 the year of me.

This probably sounds like a most selfish statement but let me explain. I am the type of person who always, always puts everyone else’s needs and wants above my own. I make sure my family and everyone else has before I have. I will go without if it means that my family and others have.

I have been like this all my life and the last year has made me realise that at some point, I need to put myself, my wants and desires first. I always used to think that this is selfish, having being brought up to help others. The problem is that by always putting everyone else first and above me, takes a lot out of me and drains me, mentally, emotionally, physically and financially. It makes me worried and stressed all the time and I can never relax.

I often wonder if the people that just take, take, take (barring my family) ever give a second thought for me and what I often sacrifice and go without for them.

I have also realised that in helping others, I need to help myself first. I need to look after me and that there is nothing selfish about that. I can also want and need and attend to my own wants and needs and that there is nothing selfish about that.

The one thing I would like to learn this year is to forgive myself. I am exceptionally hard on myself and the littlest mistake or things will eat me up and bother me for days. I need to learn to be more accepting of myself and considering that I plan to make 2015 the year of me, this is the perfect opportunity to try forgive and accept myself.

For the first time in my life, this year is going to be about me, about what I want and need and about what makes me happy.

2015 is going to be a great year!

Happy New year!