I have not been in the best of moods lately, and by lately, I meant the last three weeks. It is that type of mood where I do not want to see or talk to anyone.
What makes my mood even worse, is the fact that I am back to not sleeping and my headache from last week has not gone away. I am tired of dealing with everything and everyone. If it is not the one thing going wrong, its another thing and I just cannot seem to catch a break. My mom’s car is broken again and I am just so tired of worrying about my family all the time.
To make matters worse, it really is difficult supporting two families. Although I am on my own, I have my own bond, and expenses to pay, with the added expense of my car, because my previous car had been paid off three years ago.
I don’t mind helping my family because I know that things are really difficult for them and it’s not as if they are not trying themselves. I am satisfied living a simple life and I make do with what I have but sometimes everything just gets too much. I am constantly worrying about everything.
All I would really like is just a break from everything but the kind of break where I can just switch my brain off and not worry about a thing.
I know if I go see my doctor, the first thing that she will say to me is that I am depressed and put me on anti-depressants. For a moment I thought about giving in to this because heck I am depressed. I do feel low. I do feel negative and I am really struggling to find that happy, positive person that I usually am. I am struggling to find that silver lining that I always find in every cloud.
I know however that a pill is not going to change the circumstances that are making me feel so negative and ultimately that is what I have to find a solution for.
I just wish that for a moment that I could turn the world off, turn my brain off and forget everything.