*This is a vent post*
Yes, this is another vent post, purely because I need to get it out of my system so that I can actually do some work and focus on other people’s problems. And because this is my place to vent.
My youngest brother lost his job in early May. He is currently doing odd jobs because he hates being unemployed.
Yesterday, my mother told me that my eldest brother also lost his job about 2 weeks ago. She thought she told me. Ever since the accident, she either forgets to tell me things or she tells me the same thing a thousand times.
So that is just another worry added to the load of worries I already have about my family on daily basis.
Add to this the fact that my middle brother is now the only one working in the family. His working hours have caused him to develop a very sever form of epilepsy and obviously the place he works for just doesn’t give a damn.
I feel so absolutely helpless. I help out where I can and send out cv’s etc but it still doesn’t change how absolutely helpless I feel. Work is scarce and being a white male in South Africa, makes finding work even harder.
Tomorrow Mum has to see an eye-specialist because of the problems with her eye-sight. Yes, just another effect from the accident. ( I am however so grateful that she survived and that she is still here).
Yes, I want to rant at how unfair life is. My family is always the first to help everyone. They will give up their last food, the clothes off their backs; always helping to the detriment of themselves. In fact, they took in my low life cousin, who was unemployed because he has three kids and no-where to go.
And it just all makes me cross. Why do bad things always and I mean always happen to good people? Yes, my family certainly have their faults but when do we finally just catch a break?. When does some of that good that they always do, come back to them? My mom always believes that all the good will be returned. My question is WHEN?
I know deep down I should be positive, believe that things will work out, things will get better. I know that there are people with bigger problems; people who have less than the little that my family has. I know that I should be counting my blessings instead of complaining but I’m sorry, today, I just can’t!
I am emotionally and mentally exhausted and my heart breaks every day for my family and their struggles. I really see how hard they work. I see the sacrifices and the tears and the worries. I also see the good and the willingness to help, even when they have nothing. I also know that bad things happen to good people everyday, that is life.
I am just so disheartened with life today.
I just have to believe that tomorrow the sun will shine again.