I find that the hardest promises to keep are the promises that I make to myself.
The one thing that my mom always taught us growing up was never to make a promise if we could not keep that promise. That has always stayed with me.
One of my biggest rules is never to make any promises to a child if you are not one hundred percent certain that you can keep it and nothing annoys me more than people who make promises to children, get them all excited and then break their promises. But that is a post for another day.
To me, by making a promise, I am giving you my word and when I give you my word, I do not go back on that (another lesson learnt from my mom).
So I carefully consider any promises made before I actually make them to anyone. And when I make them I do my absolute utmost to ensure that I keep them.
Why is it then that I find it quite acceptable to break the promises that I make to myself?
I have made so many promises to myself this year alone, things I promise myself I am going to do, whether it is just for pure fun and R & R, whether it is to spruce up my home, whether it is that jacket I have really, really wanted and finally found or something that I have wanted for years and keep promising myself that this is my year to finally have it.
I can and always find reasons to break these promises to myself. I lecture myself about finances and tell myself that I will do it when the finances allow, yet I am quite happy to then go and spend that same money on someone else. I tell myself that I will keep those promises when I have time, yet I am quite happy to give up my time for others (who don’t always appreciate it). There will always be a reason.
Why is it that I cannot keep the promises that I make to myself?
I think that it has to do with the person that I am. I have always been that person who puts everyone and their needs above and before my own. When it comes to making sacrifices, I am the person that does so (more often to my own detriment). I think that subconsciously I try to sabotage myself and my happiness and deep down feel guilty that if everyone is my life cannot be happy (for whatever reasons they may have), I cannot (read am not entitled to) be happy.
I need to acknowledge this and get out of this mind set. I need to get to that place where I accept that I am also entitled to be happy; to have; to want; without feeling guilty or feeling selfish about it.
I need to start keeping these promises to myself.