Today it is exactly eleven years since you passed and I can remember that day as though it were yesterday.

I remember mom’s phone ringing that Sunday morning and her rushing to answer it. She was so scared that the hospital would call with the news and one of us would answer the phone. I remember saying “no, no, no” over and over again.

I remember the trip to the morgue to identify your body and Darryll saying that you had a smile on your face. I didn’t see it until the next day when I went to the morgue with mom. I remember that was the hardest and the most I cried. After that I knew I had to be strong for mom and the boys.

I remember the week leading up to your death. I was on varsity holidays. Darryll was in matric about to start his exams. I remember us going to the hospital with mom that whole week. We sat outside ICU, too scared to go in. Mom went in alone. I had so much to say to you but I knew you were in pain and I knew that in your semi-comatose state, you would hear that I was upset and that that would upset you.

I really wanted to say goodbye to you that Saturday and tell you that “it was ok if you wanted to let go, you had done so much for us over the years and that you no longer needed to worry about us. That I would take care of everyone and mom and make sure that they are ok.” But most importantly I wanted to say “thanks dad for everything that you had done for us over the years. Thanks for your hard work and the endless sacrifices. Thank you for the morals and values you instilled in us. Thank you for the valuable life lessons you taught us. That was more important than gifts and money.” It was and is those values, morals and lessons that get me through each day.

I would love to have seen you with Aidan. I still remember you telling Eugene that you can’t wait for him to have children and that you promised to make them naughty so that he could feel what you and mom went through. Aidan is the apple of our eye and you would have loved him to bits.

I miss you dad, every single day. I wonder what you would say about how far I have come, how far the boys have. Although I know that you would be proud of me and of us, I sometimes just wish that I could hear you say the words. I miss your curry and doughnuts. I miss your crazy jokes, although everyday that I look and listen to the boys, I see you.

I know that you are in a better place and happy where you are, I knew that when I saw the smile on your face. I know that you were suffering your last few weeks with us and that now you are free, although that does not make it easier.

Thank you dad for everything. I love you more than you would ever know. Until we meet again, I will see you in my dreams.


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