To Sleep, Perchance To Sleep

I think that it was Shakespeare that said “to sleep, perchance to dream”. Well all I really want is to sleep.

My whole life I have been a very bad sleeper. When I do finally fall asleep, I dream all the time. The only time that I don’t really dream is when I collapse from exhaustion.

Its not the fact that I dream that bothers me, but what I dream.

I am plagued by nightmares. I dream of people killing me and I can recall a dream so vivid where I felt the gunshots entering my body! I have woken screaming, waking up the entire household. I’m sure that if I had to publish all my nightmares, I would give Stephen King a run for his money.I’m not sure what even causes these dreams as I don’t watch horror movies or do anything that could possibly even trigger such dreams.

When I am not having nightmares, my dreams make absolutely no sense and I can’t imagine why I am dreaming what I am dreaming. On Monday evening, I was dreaming of a caterpillar struggling to change into a butterfly. I go from dream to dream at night and wake up exhausted from the dreaming.

This last week I have been dreaming about my dad and Yolandi. The dreams feel so real and there is nothing worse than waking up and realising that it was just a dream, that they are no longer here. As if it is not enough that I spend my days thinking of them and missing them, I dream of them at night too where they are real. The dreams leave me feeling nostalgic for days.

All I really want it to sleep for one night with no nightmares that leave me terrified, and no dreams where I wake up feeling tired and sad.

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